Imagine finding out your friends are getting married only to receive a don’t-save-the-date card in the mail. Apparently it happens. There’s a new trend in weddings called the ‘anti-invite’ in which happy couples send wedding announcements to friends and family who didn’t make the cut for the invite list to let them know. Ouch.
A recent letter to the Dear Prudence column in Slate Magazine commented on this protocol as follows:
‘Recently I received two separate announcements letting me know that I’m not invited to the wedding of a friend. Both of these came out of the blue; I had not precipitated them by asking if I was going to get an invitation. Apparently, it’s a trend for brides and grooms to tell people who didn’t make the cut that they aren’t going to witness the special day. (Google “How to tell someone you’re not inviting them to your wedding.”) I have no idea how to respond. It seems churlish to say that I’m relieved, but it’s also awkward to admit my feelings were hurt. Please help. Signed, A Perplexed Nonwedding Guest.
To my mind the anti-invite is very much this Tarot card in action:
Knight Of Swords: Getting the job done in a rush. With an emphasis on being quick. Not on taking care of people’s feelings. The Knight of Swords means well. He wants to let his (slightly less) loved ones know where they stand asap. He doesn’t actually mean to offend anybody. He just doesn’t want them to waste time and effort planning for an activity which they will never be attending. He’s doing them a favor really.
Of course, there are better ways to manage this situation. You could have the conversation in person. ‘Sorry mate. I wish you guys could be there. I really do. We just can’t fit everyone in.’ Or you could spread the word on the grapevine that your budget is tight or that the wedding is going to be an intimate affair for close family only.
Would you be offended to receive an anti-invite? Would you consider sending them for your own wedding?