The Tower: Manic Panic

The Tower

Ever since New Year’s I’ve been running around like a maniac. Instead of dealing with situations calmly I’ve been freaking out. It’s so stuuuuuuuupid of me.

Some of my problems are just in my head. Like, for example, I’ve been dreaming about school a lot these holidays. Bad teacher dreams. Where the class is out of control or where I’m embarrassing myself in front of colleagues. At the root of these dreams is a fear I won’t cut it as a classroom teacher. I’ve been teaching successfully for 15 years but this will be my first time solo in a classroom (I used to teach art and Italian as a specialist subject). My anxiety is ridiculous of course. I love my job and love the kids which I’ve always believed to be the magic formula to be a good teacher. But fear isn’t reasonable, is it? The problem is I’m an introvert. The idea of thirty pairs of eyes turned my way, of thirty pairs of ears hanging on my every word, scares the shit out of me. As a result I’ve been madly googling teacher websites, sometimes all night long. Not sane at all. (Did I mention this card is associated with mental health issues???)

Other problems are real and scary. But rushing around in a blind panic doesn’t help me deal with them one jot. It’s certainly not a functional way to use the experience of The Tower card. You’re meant to be inspired by the bolts of lightning that shock your system into change your approach to situations, not going all freaky-la-la on them. So I’m forcing myself to stick to a schedule now. Working through tasks one-by-one. Swallowing my panic. Trying to be the rock instead of the collapsing tower in the picture.

OMG. How am I going to cope with a whole year of this energy? Might have to take up yoga again or meditation.

How do you deal with crisis?

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