I often talk about the blessing of having a selfish mom. Or rather, mum, as we refer to female parents here in Australia. This goes against conventional wisdom of course. Most peeps think a selfish mom is a bad mom. Women are under enormous pressure to put everyone else’s needs before their own. From their children. Their husbands. The parents at the school gate. The media. Their own expectations of what’s right.

So what could possibly be good about having a selfish mom?

A selfish mom makes time for her own needs. My mum was like that. She went out for dinner with friends. Took classes. Worked. Wasn’t available 24/7 but was available when we needed her. She was a fantastic role model for my sister and I. It meant we grew up to become selfish moms too.

Even when the proverbial hits the fan, and my god, has it done so in recent years for both of us, we still make time for ourselves, however we can manage it. This might involve reading a novel we enjoy by a sick child’s bedside, working at odd hours to be home with a child who needs us or getting the occasional massage to relieve stress. We don’t give up up the things we love, we just squeeze them in wherever and whenever we can.

I was telling a friend about this today and she said I’d chosen the wrong word. That my mum wasn’t self-ish but performed self-care. She put the oxygen mask on her own face first so she was then able to help us. This is the middle road between being self-less, all about other people, or self-centred, all about yourself. Neither of which is ideal.

So which Tarot spread might represent a selfish mom?

The Empress: Indulging yourself

Two of Pentacles: Juggling different priorities

Temperance: Finding balance

Are you a selfish mom?