When I think of Valentine’s Day this is the card that springs to mind…

Two Of Cups: The ideal relationship. A man and a woman exchange cups signifying their feelings for one another. Each stands as tall as the other and shares a cup the same size. They are equals in every way. He remembers to buy her flowers on the way home from work tonight and for once she collects his discarded coffee cups from the lounge room floor instead of nagging him to do it himself. Ah, love! The middle-aged version anyway, lol.

However, you may be experiencing a very different kind of Valentine today.

Three Of Cups: You’ve gone out with your girlfriends to forget about being sad and single for one night and are having a rollicking possibly drunken anti-Valentine’s day instead.

Four Of Pentacles: Your boyfriend’s a stingy bastard who refuses to even say ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’ let alone buy you a bunch of flowers or take you out for dinner. His flimsy pretext? That the occasion is just a commercial beat-up rip-off which he refuses to take part in. What about my feelings, you ask yourself.

Five Of Cups + The Devil: You’re still mourning the guy/gal who dumped you and broke your heart and choose to spend Valentine’s Day stalking him/her on the internet even though you broke up YEARS ago (Hmmm, that could be me waving my hand in the air at this one, ha ha.)

Seven Of Cups: You’re juggling so many chicks at the mo you can’t decide which one to take out tonight. They’re all equally hot and equally bonkers in their own way.

Six Of Cups: You’ve been waiting for Russell Crowe to ring ever since you heard he’d separated from his wife because you KNOW you’re meant to be together. You stay home tonight so you don’t miss his call.

Page Of Cups: Your boyfriend lives so far up his own arse he doesn’t even remember you exist half the time let alone that it’s Valentine’s Day.

The Empress: You’re young and in love. If you’re not exchanging handmade cards and giant teddy bears you’re doing it as many times and in as many ways as your strength will allow. Red lingerie for her and edible condoms for him a plus. Enjoy it while it lasts, say I!

Ten Of Cups: You’re happily married but busy raising a family. A date night means holding hands on the sofa while you catch an episode of whatever TV show you usually don’t have time to watch.

I could go on. This is fun. Feel free to add your own versions in the comments section below. Any of these scenarios ring true for you?